Owls

“There is nothing to be afraid of”, I continued repeating myself after realizing about the time during the last part of my rehearsal. Since I decided to be a dancer, my daily routine has drastically changed. It has been all about exercise, movement techniques, choreographies, auditions, and a lot of less time to have fun, socialize, or even have a good tranquil meal. But I like dancing, is my passion, so in other words, I do have fun spending my life this way.  Mrs. Hanna, the art director, told me once: “Dave, if you choose to dance, you choose to never stop moving for the rest of your life”. I kept those words close to my heart, as I have her as my mentor. And those words keep sounding like a rattle, considering the time. It is already 11:30 p.m. First occasion this happens, I never finished practice this late. The studio is in the suburbs, to reach the closest bus station I need to walk at least eight blocks on a dark sidewalk, next to a street that has become more industrial considering all the companies around with their storage buildings and their factory appearance. “There is nothing to be afraid of”, I continued thinking as a mantra while I got ready in the dressing rooms. I have five dancing partners, but the only one available for me to give me a ride was absent during this rehearsal. My hands started to sweat. I was falling apart just imagining the adventure of being alone in the dark in the direction to the bus stop. By the time I was ready, it was 11:50 p.m. Other ones were picked up, and everybody seemed not to care about my situation. I have too much pride to ask for favors. I left the premises wearing my tight black pants, my blue-sky sneakers with a fancy platform, a loose no-sleeve shirt with some lips marked on sequins. My wrists were crowded with bracelets and pride wristbands. My style might be jazzy or startling but is no different of others in the atmosphere of the arts. I use short hair but a very stylish pompadour picture worthy.

I prompt my steps, I urged to get to the bus station. The silence was loudly coming from the empty street, but the factory noise was deafening.  I tried to get to my head some Freddy Mercury´s lyrics, except I was too scared to even remember the words. As I walked, I looked back and saw beyond a vehicle coming forward to me. Slowing Down. My heart beat so hard that it was about to manage to get free of my chest. It was a huge white truck. It reached me and stopped just next to me. I saw the image of an owl printed in the driver´s door when I turned without stopping my steps. The driver initiated a siege. The horn began stomping me. I nervously accelerated my walk. Then I heard voices, at least three different ones. Screaming at me. Treating me as a prostitute. They even yelled at me such word. Once I read Oscar Wilde´s phrase: “It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.” For many years, I wondered about that phrase, and after being humiliated and offended so much for being my way, I changed it to: “All people are bad, either they are very evil or lesser, but after all, everyone has meanness in degrees”. My stalkers were now pushing my nerves to a peak.  I finally stopped. I thought I must at least look at their faces and confront them. They stopped as well. They lowered their voices and gently wanted me to get into their truck. Asking me how much I wanted and other vulgarities. My eyes were watering. I am a man that in that instant felt so vulnerable and fragile. Drawing upon the desolation of the street, two of them got off the truck. I was paralyzed and then by instinct ran towards the closest factory. I hardly could see the possibility of escaping, but I was trying. I heard them breathing almost behind me, all in laughter and strong language. I reached a gate that turned its sensor light when I got close. The first thing I saw upon the entry was a big figure of an owl, the same as the truck. I was in a mousetrap. “There´s nothing to be afraid of”, and my body crashed against the pavement.

@zaira eliette espinosa, 2017